This was retold in church some weeks ago. I included some new passers by from other versions of the same story.
A man fell into a pit and couldn't get himself out.
A subjective person came along and said: "I feel for you, down there."
A codependant person came along and said: "Let me get in the pit with you!"
A mathematician calculated how he fell into the pit.
A news reporter wanted the exclusive story on his pit.
An I.R.S. man asked if he was paying taxes on the pit.
A self-pitying person said: "You haven't seen anything until you've seen my pit!"
An optimist said: "Things could be worse."
A pessimist said: "Things will get worse!"
An overweight person said: "I guess judging by the size of your pit, I'm glad I'm fat!"
The country inspector said, "Did you have a permit to dig that pit?"
A professor gave him a lecture on the elementary principles of the pit.
A realist said, "That's a pit."
A scientist calculated the pressure necessary, pounds and square inches, to get him out of the pit.
A geologist told him to appreciate and study the rock strata.
An aged man hobbled by and said: "At least you can stand. When I get there I'll be prone in a pine box!"
A Charismatic said: "Just confess that you're not in a pit."
A Fundamentalist said: "You deserve your pit!"
A Pharisee said: "Only bad people fall into a pit."
An evolutionist said, "You are a rejected mutant destined to be removed from the evolutionary cycle, in other words he is going to die in the pit so he can't produce any more pit falling offspring."
A Christian Scientist came along and said, "You only think you're in the pit."
Confucius said, "If you would have listened to me you wouldn't be in that pit."
Buddha said, "Your pit is only a state of mind."
Finally, Jesus came by and saw the man in the pit, took him by the hand and lifted him out.