Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Important news from the Department of Forwarded Mails
The European Union has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the one other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government has conceded that English spelling does actually have some small, but significant, room for improvement and has thus accepted a 5-year phase-in-plan of these improvements that will eventually become known as "Euro English."
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
In the sekond year, there will be growing publik enthusiasm when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" twenty persent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z", and "w" with "v."
During the fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords containing "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a United Urop vil finali kum tru.
If zis mad u smil ples pas on to oza pepl. Zen ve vil rul ze vorld!!!!