Monday, May 02, 2005

Remember when we were small and we used to come up with a lot of wild theories and conclusions based on what grown ups told us or because of what we watched on TV? Like I used to believe that God and the angels were all sitting down on the clouds we see everyday and the first time we went to Baguio and saw the fog wrapping the countryside I was expecting to see a real live Sto. Nino floating in front of me. And that animals have immortal souls, or that I could control clouds to make it rain whenever I wanted to get out of Physical Education, or that you'd always find turtles lived on the rocky side of the beach (based on The Berenstain Family book I read in elementary school) or that I watched the light of the sun rise literally in seconds while lying in bed (I still believe that), and that you could find the white speckled red mushroom here in our shores (only to find out later that it exists but only in Europe). Think of it as one of those "Calvin and Hobbes" moments. Check out some of these funny ones:
When I was little, I believed that when you got a divorce it was just like a wedding, only you walked backwards down the aisle, the bride wore black, and the groom wore a reverse tuxedo. - Molly S.

I used to beleive that divorce court was when two people went to court and after stating their cases the judge pressed a huge red button and lights and sounds would scream and flash and when the smoke settled the two people would be DIVORCED! - roz

My little sister and I were misbehaving so my mum started peeling off her sunburnt skin and told that us that if we didn't behave she'd take her batteries out. By golly we pleaded with her not to take her batteries out and we certainly behaved that night. - Scottish Laddie

When I was a little girl my grandfather told all his grandkids that Mickey Mouse was his cousin. Being little we all got so excited to have our favorite character in our family - Stephanie

When my dad was young, he used to sing "Gladly, the Cross I'd Bear" in church. He thought the lyrics he was singing were about a cross-eyed bear named "Gladly." - Anon

I used to believe that Jesus was born again every Christmas, lived out all the Bible said he did within a couple of months, and was killed again every Easter - Bobthefunkyfish

When I was little, I used to believe that the song " May the Dear Lord Bless You" was about a deer that was a lord in a kingdom and he was saying bless you as if you had just sneezed. - Tabitha

When I was little, I used to believe the moon was God's desk chair, where he sat and watched us. I wouldn't pray when the moon was full, because that was the back of the swivel chair, meaning he was facing the other way and wouldn't hear me. When there was no moon, I was always afraid God had moved. - Colleen

My friend once told me that when people die, their bodies are buried on the street as speed bumps. Every time I drove my bike over a street bump, I'd wonder who was buried there... - nicole

When my niece was around 3 her rabbit died. She was upset because no one would tell her what had really happened. She ended up going to my husband and asking him. He told her that her bunny had gone to college and that it would come back in 5 years after graduating as a full grown rabbit. She still believes it and is counting down the days until she's 8 (She'll be 7 in November). - Kate

When I was around three or four, our cat Critter died. When I wondered where she had gone, my older sister told me that Critter was in a hole in the ground because she got too old.That left me with the image of my cat underground with a long grey beard. - Anon

I used to believe that if you picked up the phone and dialed 999-9999, you would reach Satan. I think I heard this from my brother, joking at some point. When I finally got the nerve to try calling, it didn't connect to anyone, so I assumed God had cut off his phone. - Anon

My daddy took me to church every Sunday. I heard the preacher talk about the Father. Being only about 4 or 5 at the time, I just naturally assumed that he was talking about my father which meant that my father was obviously God. Then I had an accident and broke my leg. My grandfather (my daddy's daddy) got really upset that I had not been taken to the doctor and he YELLED at my daddy. Then the most shocking thing happened. My daddy said "Yes, sir" to my grandfather. Well! I had apparently been wrong. My grandfather must be God...and that meant that my daddy was Jesus. So I asked him why he had changed his name to Raymond. When he figured out what I believed he had to set me straight. - Gabby

When I was very little, I asked my mom "Mom? Where do angels go when theres no clouds for them to sit on?" and she looked down at me and said "Why, they sit on your shoulders of course!" I believed her for the longest time...and still do. - Beckles

I believed very literally my sunday school teaching that "God knows you so well, He even knows the number of hairs on your head." So, every time I brushed my hair and some hairs came out on the brush, I would silently apologize to God for giving Him something else to have to keep track of, given all the more important things He had to do... - Vickie Pain

When I was little, my mom told me God was watching me all the time. So I would spend a great deal of time just staring up at the sky waiting for a giant eyeball to open up out of it and look back at me. - Kayla

My not so nice stepsister told me when I was around 8 yrs old that the devil lived on the top bunk of my bunkbeds (I kept my stuffed animals and spare blankets up there. One day, some blankets must have been pulled over near the edge, and so they came down with a plop by themselves! I ran out screaming, more terrified than I'd ever been in my life. No amount of my parents' reassurance could convince me to go back in there for weeks! - Hilary

I have some really interesting relatives. One of them is my cousin Tim, who is close to my dad's age. He has a really twisted sense of humor. On one visit when I was about five, Tim showed me an old ceramic sculpture of two praying hands. He told me that they were Jesus' actual hands! I was both amazed and disturbed! Such an ancient, perfectly preserved, holy thing as this was right here in Eastern Kentucky! But those were JESUS' hands! Why were they here? Wasn't this wrong? I couldn't understand why my parents weren't upset by this and every time we went to visit them, I stared at the hands in awe! - Lil Nicki

The nuns at my school talked about how the saints would watch over us as a way to help God. Well, while I was in church, I would gaze at the statues and meditate hoping that they would blink an eye or smile as a signal to me,... this went on for a couple of years, I finally gave up. - maynard

Until i was 10 I used to believe that Jesus was a Tortoise, sounds silly but i used to go to sunday school and every week they would say "jesus taught us...." so i lived with the belief that jesus was this really cool special tortoise! - JJ

I always felt connected to Peter because I had a habit of inserting my foot into my mouth too, so when I was about 5 years old, I thought that if I practiced enough times in rain puddles, that I would be able to walk on water too. - Julie

Once when i was fairly young, my family and i were in Hawaii. We were spending the day on a beutiful beach and i asked my mom if i could take a picture. She told me to take a picture with my mind. So, for a while, I thought that I could take a picture when i blinked. After I died, God and i would walk along a beach and a slide show of all my "pictures" would play in the sky. - Dani

I used to think that, on your birthday, you didn't actually turn a year older until you ate some birthday cake. - Joe

When I was in first grade the teacher was going around the room asking everyone what they wanted to be when they grew up. The kid next to me said when he grew up he wanted to be a robot. - Anon
You can read more of these from this website, I Used To Believe.* One last thing, I used to think that torches were called "torch better" (because that's what my older brothers used to say whenever they carried one of those bamboo torches around, long story). I realized later that what they meant was, "torch bearer." That was so weird of me. Tell me, what are the things you used to believe?

* My best friend from college sent that link to me and I'm really grateful to him for doing that.

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